I feel like I have a never ending to-do list. 24/7, 365 days a year.
Whenever I have the chance to mark something off, another task or two gets added. I thrive off lists and organization. I literally feel lost without all of my to-do lists. I have work to-do lists, personal to-do lists, family to-do lists. With that said, they are all extremely overwhelming. I have so much shit to do that never gets done. And then, there is always that one task glaring at me that I secretly know I will never do, yet it seems to remain on my to-do list, taking up space and reminding me that my to-do list will always be there and it will never be 100% complete.
The overwhelmed feeling is currently consuming me.
There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished.
I am quickly approaching Raelynn’s 3rd birthday and I haven’t accomplished much of anything and it’s a little over 2 months away. Decorations, food, favors, the ice cream bar…the list never ends…We are having an Ice Cream themed party. I’m not huge on decorations and things like that, but I still like to put a little something together. Not to mention, it’s expensive to feed everyone. I think last year we spent almost $500 on her birthday and I swear we didn’t do anything elaborate at all.
With that said, I already have more stuff planned out for Briar’s 1st birthday than I do for Raelynn’s 3rd. I was scrolling through a yard sale website on Facebook and I came across a Unicorn theme for a 1st birthday. I knew I had to have it. I bought the unicorn lot when Briar was 2 months old. Still, it’s a completely different party to plan, and it’s only 5 months after Raelynn’s.
Now that we have a bigger house, and a bigger yard, and more landscaping, and a huge garden, the chores are never ending.
Ever since April, we have pretty much been non stop on the weekends, either with plans or doing stuff around the house. There is just a lot more upkeep with this house than I was mentally prepared for. We’ve been in this house for a year and a half, and I’m definitely still adjusting to all the work both inside and outside that needs to be done.
One of my friends recently shared an article that explained how her household worked better because she was like me. She was a type A personality that needed order, needed the dishes to be done, needed all the laundry to be done, needed clean floors. And all of that is so me. I, personally, operate better when things are in order and clean.
The anxiousness and overwhelming feelings get supercharged when my house is a disaster.
I cannot stand it. There are times that I probably do too much, like scrubbing the baseboards. No one really gives a shit about my baseboards. I don’t look at anyone’s baseboards when I go to their house. I know that no one looks at my baseboards when they come to my house. BUT, I know they are dirty and covered in dog hair, so the job must be done.
Then, there are other times, when I feel I don’t do enough. Just today, I looked at the shower and wondered when the last time I cleaned it was. I know it’s at least been a month. Again, does anyone care? Hell no. But, I do. So, I added it to my to-do list…
Clean the shower on a free weekend…so…November…maybe…
I bought a book, Hand’s Free Mama, over a year ago. I was around 6-7 weeks pregnant. I have started the book around 5 times and I’ve not got further than page 10. In the first 10 pages, she pretty much tells you that you have to make a lifestyle change and the to-do lists will be gone. Even though my to-do lists are overwhelming, I can’t mentally prepare myself to let them go yet. Isn’t that awful? I know it would be a good book and I know it would help me. But I just can’t right now.
I know every mom has to feel like this to, but I feel like no sooner than I get something cleaned up, someone has made it a mess again. It’s so incredibly aggravating.
There really just aren’t enough hours in the day.
I feel so rushed, constantly. Monday – Friday is terrible. I feel rushed at work, I feel rushed at home, I feel rushed to allocate enough time to both kids, I feel rushed to love my husband, I feel rushed to make time for myself. I hate it.
I do love my life. It’s just all a little hectic and overwhelmed right now.